: Journal
4:26 am, 11/15/19
so, something extremely unexpected happened since the last time ive posted on here, my ex semi took me back. I know literally all i post abt is my exes and ppl im romantically involved with n i feel so BAD abt it but holy fuck im so happy rn with my life. i hope he'll start to like me back again eventually.
9:38 pm, 11/5/19
i cried for the first time at work today (((: some old woman came in while i was subbing at another store and bought hella halloween decorations (after halloween like r u ok ma'am) and like drinking glasses and the store was HELLA small and i barely had any room to work in and like i didnt know what to do with the glasses so i just put them in with the halloween decorations bc i thought they would cushion them so they wouldnt break and she just said "bless your heart because you honestly dont know what the fuck youre doing" and at that point my feelings were rly hurt because im awkward and i dont know what to do in situations and i thought she was mad at me and she said "they rly should of wrapped these" n by them ig she meant me and i said "yea i know" bc i didnt wanna b rude and she jus repeatedly said "thats all you have to say??" and "you honestly need to fuck off and learn some shit and some fucking manners" like i didnt even do anythin bruh wtf
6:37 am, 11/3/19
MAN lemme tell yall somethin, i was working last night and some woman came and she was like in her 20s with some older guy and i thought they were like,,, father and daughter? u kno? and like they were getting a black box and me being super innocent and not rly that much of a sexual person i thought it was like headphones but it was literally fucking condoms and anything sexual kinda jus makes me go eww and i think the woman noticed and she was like "if you want ill return the used ones" and i was so uncomfortable. people are so weird and i dont understand why they try their hardest to be disgusting. leave me ALONE.
2:52 pm, 10/22/19
anyways in the time between this and my last post i got a job and also got catfished but shit's gucci. My coworker makes me EXTREMELY uncomfortable because hes like 20 YEARS OLDER THAN ME and he always works with me and its just like AAAA and i gotta work with him TOMORROW and im not especially /looking forward/ to it man. BUT!! i got to like get to know my boss and shes so nice and i love her. ive kinda like left the NEET lifestyle and im hoping i start to feel better about myself and learn how to overcome my anxiety
1:50 am, 8/23/19
I made 143$ today and i caved in and bought airpods lord 4giv me. I kept to myself most of the day though and barely spoke to anyone and everything felt fine. I didnt feel sad or mad or anything really, which is surprising because i had a mini breakdown last night. i jus feel extremely sleepy and i dont have that much energy no matter how much coffee i drink or how many energy drinks i consume );
4:23 am, 8/22/19
I've had a really rough day today and i was asleep until like 3 pm but i reactivated my facebook account and a boy i had a huge crush on messaged me that he missed me and it made me happy and we've been talking all day and he literally makes my heart go uwu but im scared to get attached to him in case he doesnt feel the same way about me or he's the type to be like "im emotionally unavalible" like every other cute boy, plus my previous dating history isnt the best ))); even though something bad happened to me, he let me vent to him and we share previous addictions (which isnt something im romatizing) and idk maybe we can both help each other stay clean since we share that??? idk i just rly like him so far and he's really nice and i hope we talk for a bit longer. Plus!! He said that he wants to meet me in the next few months and im like aaaaaaaa because im just like "wow what does he see in me" and i hope it goes well if we do meet but he literally has me like completely into him
7:53 pm, 8/20/19
I texted him thru a fake number and i'm coming off like a stalker by just randomly texting him like "hehe i still miss u :333" but it somewhat made me feel better to tell him that, im not sad anymore and it kinda feels like a huge weight has been lifted off of me. I still hope that one day we become friends again because no matter what i will love him and hope for the best for him but until then ill wait for him to change his mind. I also dyed my hair blue as an impulsive decision n it looks rly cute and im happy with it
9:07 pm, 8/19/19
I miss someone that doesn't even want me in their life and i feel so dumb, even after him telling me he didnt like me i still want to talk to him and im trying my hardest not to message him rn but idk how much more longer i can feel like this. i jus wanna talk to him again and see how he's doing but all its going to do is hurt me.
8:28 pm, 8/18/19
i thought i was done using this but im still rly mentally and emotionally unstable and my bad dreams are coming back n idk what to do. i met this boy that rly wants to be my friend though and im jus so mentaly exhausted idk if i can do this anymore. i wanna b alone. everyone eventually leaves me
4:26 am, 7/20/19
me and my /ex/ vid called for like the first time in so long and like,,, literally all i could do was stare at him and think about how beautiful he looked and i hate myself i wish i wasnt so gay over this kind of stuff. He just makes me so happy and he might not care about me but i love him so much and i wish that one day he'll start liking me back
8:40 pm, 7/18/19
im on the phone with my /ex/ rn, and we're talking about sexual stuff but im so desperate for attention lmaooooo idk what to do anymore.
8:59 pm, 7/15/19
I'm a little sad right now but im a bit happy bc my ex talked to me today, I'm not as depressed as i was last night but i feel rly sick rn n it feels like im guna throw up. im just scared of my other ex coming back into my life since we broke up a few days ago, i dont want him to return. Im terrified of him
4:02 am, 7/15/19
im giving this a chance rather than bottling up everything, so hi if you found this by chance or whatever! I hope that eventually i'll get better at coding and make this site better, but for now please bare with me ): But anyways, instead of sleeping ive been trying to figure this out and i think ive gotten to a point where its okayish looking for now. From now on im going to post about my life and talk about my problems and hopefully ill feel better about myself after awhile!! ill try to keep this area not so depressing